My Desert of Bad Decisions

Posted in Blog Escape from Perfect Isle | 18 comments

Imagine with me that we are in a desert.  It is so very hot.  We have been trudging along, again and again.  Never ending sand.  I’m tired, thirsty and exhausted.  Feeling very lost and alone.

This is me….in what I have termed “My desert of bad decisions”

Recently I was feeling very overwhelmed by several things.  Feeling like there was no way out.  I had made these decisions; therefore I had to suffer the consequences.  Only the consequences had been going on for years.  How long did I need to beat myself up?  I was well entrenched in my desert of bad decisions on this particular night.

God sent me to Exodus 14:14

14 The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.”

The normal Christian would praise God and say thank you for the word of encouragement.  My response was very different.

“Seriously?  What do I look like, an idiot?  Of course you will fight for them…they are your CHOSEN people.  You went to a lot of effort to get them out of Egypt.  Therefore you will get them out of this too.  You are not going to look very good if you get them out of Egypt but allow them to die in the desert.  You wouldn’t do that for me.  You never have.  You left me there, and now you are going to leave me here.” 

My “there” was my childhood.  I betrayed my true heart in that sentence.  I feel like he didn’t come for me then and he wouldn’t come for me now.

God was gracious with my temper tantrum and gently told me to read the previous verses.

Exodus 14:  10-12

10 As Pharaoh approached, the Israelites looked up, and there were the Egyptians, marching after them. They were terrified and cried out to the Lord. 11 They said to Moses, “Was it because there were no graves in Egypt that you brought us to the desert to die? What have you done to us by bringing us out of Egypt? 12 Didn’t we say to you in Egypt, ‘Leave us alone; let us serve the Egyptians’? It would have been better for us to serve the Egyptians than to die in the desert!”

Sound familiar?  Sound like the temper tantrum I was also throwing with God?

Their hopelessness resonated with me.  Fully.

Yesterday they were headed to the Promised Land full of freedom, and now they are staring at the entire Egyptian army coming to beat them down.

Defenseless.  Alone.  Abandoned.

We know God saves them from the army.  But imagine being right there, in that moment.  Do you think they were questioning if they had made the right decision in following Moses?  What if Moses really wasn’t from God?

What if they were there, with an entire Egyptian army coming to beat them down, because they had made a bad decision?

Would God have left them there?  Is he going to leave me here in my desert of bad decisions?

If they were in their current state because of their own bad decision…….does that mean you would have left them in their desert of bad decisions?

He ever so gently whispered to my tentative, child heart……

”No.  Never.  Never ever”

“I will never abandon a heart that is fully seeking me.  I can’t.  I don’t know how.  It’s not in my character, it’s not who I am.”

“I have to fight for you.  It’s in my blood”.

Are you in your own desert of bad decisions?  Feeling lost and alone.  Are you feeling beaten down by your own Egyptian army?

God will NOT leave you there.

He will fight for you.

He has to.

It’s who he is.

It’s in his blood.

So the Proverbs 31 YES TO GOD online bible study has hit home in a very dramatic way with me.  One of the verses this week is Psalm 81:10

10 For it was I, the LORD your God, who rescued you from the land of Egypt. Open your mouth wide, and I will fill it with good things.

The Lord will rescue me from my desert of bad decisions.  I am saying “yes” to letting him do that.  I am saying yes to living the great life he has planned for me.  I love that at the end of this verse it talks about opening my mouth wide and he will fill it with good things.  I am saying YES, God please fill me with your words, your wisdom and your wonder!




    • Thanks Karen. Good to know I’m not alone. :)

      Post a Reply
  1. AMEN Billie and love how you brought that verse in about opening wide. I dreamt about it last night and saw pictures because I was trying to blog on that verse before bed. Thanks for sharing your beautiful heart. Loved it sister. Hugs. Debbie W. (OBS Facebook Group Leader)

    Post a Reply
    • Thanks Debbie! I’m going to pop over and read yours too. It is such a picturesque verse the Psalm 81:10.

      Post a Reply
  2. I keep thinking…”I have already spent 40 years in the desert. When am I going to get this right?” Thank you for your transparency in sharing your heart. It is good to be sharing the journey. It is very encouraging! :)

    Post a Reply
    • LOL Debbi – exactly! :) How long is our desert?! I think I find that I come in and out of the desert. So maybe we can have multiple desert experiences. Sure hope that is the case for both of us, cuz then we get some joy in between :)

      Post a Reply
  3. So glad that you are saying YES and let God into your heart allowing forgiveness. May your blessing continue.

    Post a Reply
  4. Billie, your honest wrestling, here, is an encouragement to all of us who have felt abandoned. I am so grateful that God uses this community to be a balm to the wounds inflicted by others. And I am encouraged mightily to leave the desert of my own bad decisions behind me. Exactly where it belongs!

    Post a Reply
    • So true Missy – we are all meant to leave our deserts. Praise God. Thanks for the encouragement to stay real and transparent.

      Post a Reply
  5. My goodness, so on point you don’t even know!! I’ve been reading your blogs throughout the blog hops. Thank you for your wisdom. I know sometimes I don’t think that I can ask for deliverance when it might be a test of endurance for me. But this encourages me that whatever I’m going through I am not alone and ultimately deliverance will come!!

    Post a Reply
    • Oh, Valerie….your words touch my heart. Nothing better than to know I have given strength in some way.

      Post a Reply
    • Valerie – thanks so much for reading my blog on the blog hops. So many to choose from…I am honored. Your conclusions are spot on. Regardless of if it is punishment, refinement, endurance, consequences, or whatever the reason……God is still with us and we are not alone. That gives me great comfort.

      Post a Reply
  6. Through all the wrestling and the questioning, Praise God, that He speaks and guides through HIS WORD! I LOVE that HE fights for us! Thanks Billie for your insight into Psalm 81:10.

    Post a Reply
    • Agree Stacey…..the wrestling is important. Love what he does!

      Post a Reply
    • Thanks Stacey! The wrestling is an important part of the journey. He always comes through.

      Post a Reply
  7. Alright, how do I sign up for your blog?

    Post a Reply
    • Hi Debi…..I’m trying hard to get that feature activated. Struggling a bit (obviously). Hoping to have that soon!

      Post a Reply

Comments welcome here in Oopsland!