I am studying the book A Confident Heart by Renee Swope through Online Bible Studies at Proverbs 31 ministry.
Our motto this week is #movingfoward.
Luke 24:38 “Why are you frightened?” he asked. “Why are your hearts filled with doubt? Psalm 81:10 For it was I, the LORD your God, who rescued you from the land of Egypt. Open your mouth wide, and I will fill it with good things.
Why o’ why do I always want to go back?
My days are filled with thinking I had it better in _________. You fill in the blank. It could be anything from 5 years ago, 15 years ago or 10 seconds ago.
Where I am at currently, is never right and I should always be somewhere else.
Sarah Groves says it perfectly in her song
For me, it’s like a film reel in my head. You’ve heard me talk about Perfect Isle.
Perfect Isle is my Egypt. Perfect Isle still has access to my psyche…….they play all of my past videos with happy go lucky, everything was “perfect” fanfare to try to get me to come back from Oopsland.
The truth comes from Oopsland. In Oopsland, my friends keep me grounded. They remind me and play videos that were the reality.
They remind me of how tired I was. How stressed I was. How sad I was. Perfect Isle was full of slave masters who drove me until I could accomplish no more, and then asked for just one more thing. Perfect Isle took everything it could from me, leaving nothing left for anyone else, much less myself.
I have been a slave to many things…..many things I want to be free of.
- Food Addictions
- Co-dependent Love
- Career success
- People Pleasing/Performance/Perfectionism
What if the Israelites could have had a video to remind them of being slaves in Egypt when they were moaning in Exodus 14:11-12 that they wanted to go back?
What if I could have a video that popped up to remind me of truth? Remind me that being a slave to ___________ (fill in the blank with whatever you are a slave to) is bad and I would be happier without it.
What videos are playing in your head? The Perfect Isle ones that make you go crazy because you want to go back and it was all a bed of roses?
Or the Oopsland videos that remind you it is better to move forward?
It is hard. It will be worth it. You can move away from slavery and into the new freedom that is just around your current sand dune. I’ll do it with you. #moving forward
This blog is dedicated to the two worlds I have created – one where it is ok to fail (Oopsland) and one where the Perfectionists live (Perfect Isle). My transforming journey is to become a citizen of Oopsland!
Perfect Isle has a lot of control freaks that live there. Unfortunately I am one of them (although you would never know it by interacting with me. I seem very happy go lucky until things don’t go my way).
Perfect love will cast out fear. Eve had perfect love. But she still wanted control. The Apple of Control is what I call it. That bright, red, shiny apple. #downwiththeapple
The snake held it out to Eve. By eating that apple, Eve was saying: “I don’t believe God’s intentions toward me are good, therefore I will control my own life.” Or at least that is the interpretation that got to my heart. I struggle with Perfect Love. It is much easier to control than to rest in Perfect Love.
In my own life…..I am presented with innumerous apples throughout the day. To remind me not to take the apple of control, I put an apple on my desk or in my kitchen. A visual reminder.
Unfortunately in the following story, I snatched the Apple of Control right out of the evil one’s grimy little hands and chomped hard into it:
I have been wrestling for the last year over a particular situation that happened. I did not like where I had landed, what my new position was and the person I felt I was becoming. Therefore I was constantly fighting it. Fighting with people, fighting with thoughts, actions, etc. Always frustrated and wrestling to get out of it. But then….the “ONE MOMENT IN TIME” thing happened. You know what I mean…..for such a time as this stuff. One singular interaction, at a time I could never have foreseen or organized, for a friend of a friend with my new group of people. Now major healing was taking place in that person’s life. God had to move me into this new group of people, so that this one random interaction could happen. Wow. All while I didn’t have a clue, and was wrestling to get out.
This morning during prayer, God was pointing out to my heart that he needed to move me there. He saw the whole picture even though I didn’t. All of my wrestling was for naught, because he had to wait until this moment in time happened. Now I could leave if I needed or wanted to.
Then he asked my heart a question: “Was that one year of your life worth it, for this person to find healing, to be set on a new path? Or was that too much sacrifice?” Ouch. I was definitely crying by now…………… Then he asked me the clincher, as he held out his hand to me: “Would you like the apple back now?”
God will give us the apple back. He allowed Eve to take the apple and he will allow us to hold it, caress it, and oh-aw at how strong we feel with it.
But I don’t want it. My heart is broken that I have spent the last year fighting something that was his hand but I couldn’t see it.
So my response to his question as he handed the apple back to me……….
I took the apple out of his hand, and I threw it far, far away. I ran to him and jumped into his embrace. I wrapped my legs tightly around him, and said “I never want to see another apple. I only want to see you. I will stop fighting you. Help me to stop fighting your hand in my life.”
Finally resting, for that moment, in his Perfect Love.