Posts made in September, 2013


Imagine with me that we are in a desert.  It is so very hot.  We have been trudging along, again and again.  Never ending sand.  I’m tired, thirsty and exhausted.  Feeling very lost and alone.

This is me….in what I have termed “My desert of bad decisions”

Recently I was feeling very overwhelmed by several things.  Feeling like there was no way out.  I had made these decisions; therefore I had to suffer the consequences.  Only the consequences had been going on for years.  How long did I need to beat myself up?  I was well entrenched in my desert of bad decisions on this particular night.

God sent me to Exodus 14:14

14 The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.”

The normal Christian would praise God and say thank you for the word of encouragement.  My response was very different.

“Seriously?  What do I look like, an idiot?  Of course you will fight for them…they are your CHOSEN people.  You went to a lot of effort to get them out of Egypt.  Therefore you will get them out of this too.  You are not going to look very good if you get them out of Egypt but allow them to die in the desert.  You wouldn’t do that for me.  You never have.  You left me there, and now you are going to leave me here.” 

My “there” was my childhood.  I betrayed my true heart in that sentence.  I feel like he didn’t come for me then and he wouldn’t come for me now.

God was gracious with my temper tantrum and gently told me to read the previous verses.

Exodus 14:  10-12

10 As Pharaoh approached, the Israelites looked up, and there were the Egyptians, marching after them. They were terrified and cried out to the Lord. 11 They said to Moses, “Was it because there were no graves in Egypt that you brought us to the desert to die? What have you done to us by bringing us out of Egypt? 12 Didn’t we say to you in Egypt, ‘Leave us alone; let us serve the Egyptians’? It would have been better for us to serve the Egyptians than to die in the desert!”

Sound familiar?  Sound like the temper tantrum I was also throwing with God?

Their hopelessness resonated with me.  Fully.

Yesterday they were headed to the Promised Land full of freedom, and now they are staring at the entire Egyptian army coming to beat them down.

Defenseless.  Alone.  Abandoned.

We know God saves them from the army.  But imagine being right there, in that moment.  Do you think they were questioning if they had made the right decision in following Moses?  What if Moses really wasn’t from God?

What if they were there, with an entire Egyptian army coming to beat them down, because they had made a bad decision?

Would God have left them there?  Is he going to leave me here in my desert of bad decisions?

If they were in their current state because of their own bad decision…….does that mean you would have left them in their desert of bad decisions?

He ever so gently whispered to my tentative, child heart……

”No.  Never.  Never ever”

“I will never abandon a heart that is fully seeking me.  I can’t.  I don’t know how.  It’s not in my character, it’s not who I am.”

“I have to fight for you.  It’s in my blood”.

Are you in your own desert of bad decisions?  Feeling lost and alone.  Are you feeling beaten down by your own Egyptian army?

God will NOT leave you there.

He will fight for you.

He has to.

It’s who he is.

It’s in his blood.

So the Proverbs 31 YES TO GOD online bible study has hit home in a very dramatic way with me.  One of the verses this week is Psalm 81:10

10 For it was I, the LORD your God, who rescued you from the land of Egypt. Open your mouth wide, and I will fill it with good things.

The Lord will rescue me from my desert of bad decisions.  I am saying “yes” to letting him do that.  I am saying yes to living the great life he has planned for me.  I love that at the end of this verse it talks about opening my mouth wide and he will fill it with good things.  I am saying YES, God please fill me with your words, your wisdom and your wonder!

 

 

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How hard is this?! Ugh. One step. One more step.  A stumble.  A sigh.  Maybe even just a moment of pausing while down.  Ok, time to get back up again.

Can you feel the weight, the effort, the obedience?  Lately God has been telling me to “finish strong”.  Do the right thing in many areas of my life, to change my perspective.  Stop feeling hopeless where I am at and wrap things up.

Finish strong. Surrender your current reality.

This current reality is not my forever reality.  I needed that.  I needed some hope as I am surrendering where I am at.  I am waking up each and every day, going through all the motions, one more time.  Lowering my nets ONCE AGAIN.  Over and over.  As I am continuing to live…..I am finding that God really does take care of the little things.

As I surrendered….He has delivered.

My biggest surrender lately is being able to say “it’s OK that I am not the best at my job. I tried something new, and it didn’t work out”.  It’s ok to fail.

My Oopsland perspective is that I should celebrate my growth. Oopsland will celebrate that I took a leap of faith and stepped waaaaaaay out of my comfort zone.

But Perfect Isle Syndrome keeps creeping in.  It keeps telling me if I just try harder, if I just work longer hours, if I just got the right project…..THEN I could succeed.  Then I would be perfect.

In actuality, this current failure is catapulting me to further, better realms.  3 new jobs have already come my way.  Funny how that works. God couldn’t do that until I was OK with failing at my current state.

That was what he was asking me to be obedient in.

Lower your nets.  Finish strong.  Keep going, but wrap things up.

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